Keep on Truckin'

Famous R.Crumb illustration 

Yesterday, I received what I estimate as my 12^th rejection letter in the past year or so for an exhibition, residency, grant, or other art related thing I applied for. I won’t lie, it sucks. I want all letters to begin with “Congratulations!” instead of “On behalf of the committee...,” but there are a lot of dips that come with the wonderful highs that come with being an artist.

I admittedly ran away from my first foray as an artist because of fear of rejection and/or not being good enough. After working as a graphic artist for a few years, I enrolled in college as an art major. I was an adequate artist—I could pretty much draw what I saw—but felt inadequate next to students who had a natural gift for great draftswoman/manship. At the time I thought that being able to draw and paint photorealistically made you a “real” artist. As a student, I was also writing a lot and found that it came naturally to me, kind of like the draftswoman/manship of my art classmates, so I went the easy route and dropped art to become a writer.

After several events and epiphanies, my desire to create overrode my desire to be perfect and I returned to art. This time though it was with the understanding and pledge to myself that regardless of whether I was the worst student in the class, I would persist. No easy routes.

So my plan for the day is: to persist, to paint, and to work on some more applications. Chin up girl.

What Success Means to Me

"How did it go?" or "how was it?" are a questions I often hear from neighboring artists after a big open studio event. The real question being asked is "did you sell anything?" but this question is rarely asked directly. Many of my non-artist friends though, who I am sure only have my best interests at heart and don't know how hard it is to sell big paintings, cut to the chase with: "did you sell anything?" When I explain that no I didn't sell anything but yes the event went great, I feel like they don't really understand how something that did not result in sales could be "great."

Two Fridays ago, we had our big Spring open studio event at Winter Street Studios. We had a lot of traffic and many visitors. I met lots of new people, caught up with friends and returning visitors, and had meaningful conversations about my art with several people. The event introduced my work to many new viewers who will come to my shows and, who knows, may eventually buy a painting or two. I was thrilled to sell two small paintings, but the event would also have been a success if I had not.

Sure, I need to make money from my artwork. This is not a hobby for me, it is my career. It is also something I would do whether I needed to support myself doing something non-art related for the rest of my life (although I hope that is not the case). I have tried hard to do other things than be an artist but this is all I really want to do and it is something I cannot not do.

Every day I get to make art is a successful day for me. Every time I get to show my art is a successful day. Every time someone enjoys or "gets" my art is a successful day. Every day that I do not give up on doing what I love and was put on earth to do is a successful day.